Day 5

Well it's been surprisingly hard to write about this adventure so far. My emotions have been all over the map. One minute I'm loving it and the next I am feeling sore and grumpy and mildly depressed. And the chatter inside my head is unbelievable. First I was telling myself that this was the end of all my raw food making days and getting really sad about that. One of my true passions in life is preparing food for people and the thought of losing that was really upsetting for me, like losing my identity. Anyway obviously this is just nonsense because a) I'm sure I will still make food for people when this is all over, maybe just different food and b) I can still love myself even if I never make food again! Oh the ego and it's wiley ways. You don't know how much food runs your life until you try to go without it. The amount of food that we eat everyday is crazy and the amount of food we eat for emotional reasons is just pure madness. We have received 2 different pieces of sad news in the last few days and my first reaction was to eat, eat, eat and I felt like I could justify eating because of the events. But I didn't. We go through our whole lives reaching for food at the slightest spark of feeling because food is so good at dulling everything down. Even raw food. Trying to live in the face of all this feeling is pretty intense, but in the end I hope to overcome these lifelong patterns and start new, healthier ones, ones I can feel good passing on to my son.....
Today was especially rough on the Goodness household as Halen was up pretty much all night. Honestly I think this would be alot easier on the old body if it actually had a chance to rest. Then I was paranoid that maybe my breastmilk was poison from all the toxins I'm clearing out and that's what kept the little guy awake and miserable. Let's hope not. In the long run it seems like he is better off with a few toxins than with a toxic mumma. Also I have not been getting that strong of detox symptoms and do believe that I am fairly clean already so the amounts in the breastmilk should be minimal if any at all.
The symptoms I have been having are:
-a really sore back, I have no idea what thats all about
-dragged down, tired feelings that come and go
-minor coating on tongue and teeth
-signs of a breast infection that lasted for a day
-spaciness, foggy head, unable to concentrate or think cleary
-just kind of an achy body
That's about it really. If I could just get some clarity and more energy I think I will be able to do this. I read today that for every day of juice feasting you un-age yourself 120 days. So by my calculations when this is all over I will be minus 3 years old!?? Freaky.....